---

Original Post

Paraphrased and shortened original post to maintain anonymity of original poster.

“How do you primary parents work?”

Explains how she has to take her child to appointments every other week, got hired part time, but since she’s rarely available, they haven’t given her hours. Speaks in a way that shows she doesn’t believe she is capable.

“Why am I so stupid? Why can’t I just figure it out? Everyone else can what is wrong with me that I can’t!”

She’s asking: how are all these women doing it, but she can’t.

---

---

My Response

What you’re going through is a challenge in its self, being a mom and juggling all the things, adding the additional challenges of leaving a marriage that is unhealthy can feel tremendously overwhelming. If you are still there, in the marriage that is and are determined to leave, but haven’t yet due to the insurmountable odds and it is also safe to stay, as in you aren’t in immediate physical danger. (All the proverbial variable boxes being checked), you will want to first work on you — I know that sounds like a no brainer — however from what I’m hearing is you are incredibly unkind to yourself and believe that something is wrong with you because you can’t do the impossible “like others” can.

This is a rhetorical pattern of “the others”, where the imaginary “they” can do it, while I can not.

Now I am not saying you imagined anything in the sense that you don’t have valid feelings, however, to really assess your situation through the lens that is necessary to achieve what you desire, ie leaving unhealthy marriage & also taking care of your child, while also being able to support yourself. All of which are possible, however, if you come down hard on yourself each time you face these obstacles, you will find yourself in the state of mind that prevents success in the face of these challenges.

Which is why I said earlier in my message here, to spend this time working on you.

Mentally and emotionally fortifying yourself, it would be wise to really self reflect on your “why”. Find your alignment, find out who you are and who you want to be, find out exactly what it is that is motivating you and find your resolve and begin to radically accept yourself. You must come to terms with your reality in a way that doesn’t shame you for not being able to achieve the impossible and rather empowers you to face anything with the integrity and where with all to make things happen and in what manner that is and with what ever consequence comes you will face it with your full ability as you know that you are capable. You will have to believe that you are capable, because, what you believe about yourself will determine what you can and cannot achieve.

When you say “I don’t have work at home experience, so they won’t hire me”, you’ve taken something that is true and correlated it to something that is an unknown and labeled as truth. You will want to reassess what limited beliefs you are harboring and work through that. Gain some mental and emotional clarity on what the truth actually is and not what your limited beliefs tell you.

Now, regarding the schedule, if I told you what I do to manage, you’d likely say — that’s impossible and I’d likely smile and agree with you. However, the only reality that it’s impossible is in the one you believe it to be.

What I’m getting at is, the challenge is real, the obstacles are real and the intensity of your feelings are valid. However, what you want to be mindful of is, how you talk about yourself will be the difference between you facing an obstacle and folding and you facing an obstacle and overcoming.

The reality is you get to choose how you face your challenges, beating yourself up for not measuring up to the standard you assume others are “simply better at” will only put you in a position to believe “you’re not capable”.. this will unfortunately create the confirmation bias that will result in you not being capable due to your belief of the same, and thus you’ve limited your capability.

Let’s remember that each woman you see out here, single, and mothering has a story of defeat, fear, dissociation, the nights we lay paralyzed with all the things we must do to survive and protect ourselves and our children, yet what most will ever really see is our success story, the job getting done. Don’t be so quick to compare yourself to other single moms “making it”. The blood and sweat and tears it took for many of us to escape is simply just not talked about nearly as much and honestly some of us may not feel comfortable to really share all the details of the hell we traveled and are still traveling in order to make things happen.

Let this be an encouragement, once you get your mind right, speak life into your circumstance, speak life over yourself — you will begin to view things with a perspective that enables you to quite literally do what you once thought was impossible.

Much love to you in your situation, we don’t dismiss feeling or life experience, so don’t dismiss your ability either girl!! You are resourceful, tap into it! ♥️🤍

— a single mom who cares 🫂

---

Additional Responses

If they respond, I will place my responses to them here.

---

Language for Behavior

Let’s talk about the power of language in building strong boundaries and gaining clarity!

1. Manipulative Behavior: When someone consistently tries to control or influence your decisions and emotions for their benefit, without considering your feelings or needs.
2. Gaslighting: When someone distorts or denies reality to make you doubt your own perceptions, memories, and sanity.
3. Passive-Aggressive Behavior: Expressing negative feelings indirectly, often through sarcasm, silent treatment, or subtle actions.
4. Isolation: Deliberately cutting you off from friends, family, or other sources of support to gain control over you.
5. Undermining: Consistently diminishing your achievements, opinions, or capabilities to erode your self-esteem.
6. Neglect: Failing to provide emotional, physical, or psychological care and support, leading to feelings of abandonment.
7. Bullying: Engaging in repetitive aggressive behavior to assert power and dominance over you, causing emotional distress.
8. Intimidation: Using threats, verbal abuse, or body language to make you feel frightened and submissive.
9. Exploitation: Taking advantage of your vulnerabilities or resources for personal gain, often without regard for your well-being.
10. Control: Exerting excessive influence over your actions, decisions, or freedom, limiting your autonomy.
11. Invalidation: Dismissing or belittling your feelings, thoughts, or experiences, causing self-doubt and confusion.

Using these specific terms can help individuals accurately communicate their experiences and feelings, which is a crucial step in gaining clarity and seeking the necessary support or resolution.

12. Verbal Aggression: Engaging in hostile language, insults, or yelling that causes emotional harm and distress.
13. Withholding Information: Intentionally keeping important information from you to maintain control or manipulate your decisions.
14. Stonewalling: Refusing to communicate or engage in conversations, which can lead to frustration and a lack of resolution.
15. Guilt-Tripping: Using guilt or manipulation to make you feel responsible for someone else’s feelings or actions.
16. Conditional Love: Expressing affection only when certain conditions are met, creating insecurity and dependence.
17. Silent Treatment: Ignoring you or refusing to communicate as a form of punishment or control.
18. Minimization: Downplaying the seriousness of a situation or your feelings, making it difficult to validate your experiences.
19. Boundary Violation: Ignoring or crossing your personal boundaries, leading to discomfort and a sense of violation.
20. Projection: Assigning your own negative feelings or traits onto someone else to avoid acknowledging them in yourself.

Defining these behaviors can help individuals recognize and articulate their experiences more clearly.

21. Deflection: Shifting the focus of a conversation away from the topic at hand, often to avoid taking responsibility for one’s actions.
22. Selective Memory: Choosing to remember or forget certain details in a way that serves one’s narrative or intentions.
23. Escalation: Intentionally intensifying conflicts or disagreements to manipulate the situation or gain control.
24. False Promises: Making commitments with no intention of following through, leading to disappointment and mistrust.
25. Blame-Shifting: Holding you responsible for problems or issues that are actually caused by the other person’s actions.
26. Discrediting: Undermining your credibility or reputation to prevent others from taking your perspective seriously.
27. Double Standards: Applying different sets of rules or expectations to different people, causing feelings of inequality and injustice.
28. Love-Bombing: Overwhelming you with excessive attention, compliments, or gifts initially, only to later use these gestures for manipulation.
29. Microaggressions: Subtle and often unintentional actions or comments that convey prejudice or discrimination.
30. Emotional Blackmail: Threatening to withdraw love, support, or care to control your behavior or decisions.

Using these terms to describe behaviors can help individuals pinpoint specific actions that may be contributing to their lack of clarity. This awareness can empower them to assess their situation objectively, communicate effectively, and make informed decisions about seeking help, setting boundaries, or taking steps towards personal growth and resolution.

31. Triangulation: Involving a third party in conflicts or discussions to manipulate perceptions or gain an advantage.
32. Cycle of Abuse: Recognizing the repeating pattern of tension-building, explosion, reconciliation, and honeymoon phases in an abusive relationship.
33. Victim-Blaming: Holding you responsible for the negative consequences of the other person’s behavior, shifting the blame onto you.
34. Coercion: Using pressure, threats, or manipulation to force you into actions or decisions you’re uncomfortable with.
35. Invalidation: Dismissing or belittling your emotions, experiences, or perspective, leading to self-doubt and confusion.
36. Negotiation Tactics: Utilizing manipulation or emotional tactics during discussions to sway the outcome in one’s favor.
37. Passive Compliance: Going along with requests or demands to avoid conflict or negative repercussions, even if you’re uncomfortable.
38. Scapegoating: Blaming you for problems or difficulties within a group or relationship, often unfairly.
39. Hostile Humor: Using sarcasm or humor to demean or ridicule you, under the guise of joking.
40. Controlled Disclosure: Sharing selective information to maintain power, withholding key details to manipulate the situation.

This understanding is essential for making informed decisions about seeking help, setting boundaries, and ultimately prioritizing their well-being.

41. Mental Manipulation: Using psychological tactics to influence your thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions.
42. Exploitative Promises: Offering rewards, benefits, or positive outcomes to manipulate your behavior or compliance.
43. Disengagement: Avoiding communication or emotional connection as a way to control the relationship or situation.
44. Normalization of Harm: Downplaying or justifying harmful behavior to make it seem acceptable or typical.
45. Selective Amnesia: Conveniently forgetting previous promises, commitments, or agreements.
46. Emotional Withholding: Refusing to provide emotional support, affection, or validation as a means of control.
47. Intentional Confusion: Deliberately creating unclear or contradictory situations to keep you off-balance.
48. Conditional Approval: Granting approval, affection, or attention only when certain conditions are met.
49. Dismissive Attitude: Ignoring your concerns, opinions, or emotions, causing you to feel insignificant.
50. Overstepping Boundaries: Ignoring your personal limits or disregarding your consent, leading to discomfort and violation.

I pray these behavioral identifiers will provide clarity to you and empower you to address issues, set healthy boundaries, and make choices that prioritize your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

---

---

---

Add my Facebook page for updates and subscribe! – Facebook

---

Resources

More Resources

• Natalie Anne Hoffman with the Flying Free podcast — episode 160 “An Emotional Recovery Tool That Changes Everything” — this episode is a game changer. I listen to it often and it has changed how I think and process my thoughts. Defines where our actions begin. How no one can make us feel anything. It’s all based on the meaning we place on things. It’s powerful to take your power back that you didn’t even know was yours to begin with. It was yours all along!
• Leslie Vernick – Enriching Relationships That Matter Most — podcast episode “Is It Abuse?”
• PlusONE Parents — podcast episode “Does God Hate Divorce”
• Jen Wilkin — podcast episode “DISTRESS & DELIVERANCE: UNDERSTANDING THE HEART OF GOD IN THE MIDST OF SUFFERING WITH JEN WILKIN”
• Bare Marriage with Sheila Wray Gregoire
• Patrick Weaver Ministries
• Esther Company
• Confusion to Clarity
• The Life-Saving Divorce—Gretchen Baskerville
• Intentional Today
• Sarah McDugal – Wilderness to WILD
• Rebecca Davis—Untwisting Scriptures
• Betrayal Trauma Recovery
• Sarah K Ramsey Toxic Person Proof Podcast
• Marg Mowczko
• Psalm 82 Initiative
• Thriving Forward
• Held & Healed: Christian Women Rebuilding After Abuse by Heather Elizabeth
• Another One Free
• Amy Gannett — podcast episode “ANSWERING YOUR KIDS’ QUESTIONS ABOUT GOD WHEN YOU’VE GOT SOME OF YOUR OWN WITH AMY GANNETT”
• Lisa Appelo — podcast episode “LIFE CAN BE GOOD AGAIN: LOSS & LACK TRANSFORMED BY THE GOODNESS OF GOD WITH LISA APPELO”
• Bailey T. Hurley — podcast episode “FRIENDS LIKE FAMILY: FINDING YOUR PEOPLE & CULTIVATING COMMUNITY”
• Nate Postlethwait

---

• 
  My Response Series | You Dropped this 👑December 29, 2025
  What You Believe Creates Your Reality
• 
  My Response Series | Why Do The Wicked ProsperOctober 14, 2025
  They will reap grievously what they’ve sown, and some will not repent in this life. That is a tragedy in and of itself.
• 
  My Response Series | Self-Love vs SelfishnessMay 13, 2024
  Self-love involves healthy boundaries and self-respect, whereas selfishness often involves disregarding others’ feelings or needs.
• 
  My Response Series | Entitled Husband & “Crazy” Wife DynamicMay 7, 2024
  “No one is perfect” – Husbands attempt to gaslight his horrible behavior as his Wife simpling being unrealistic in her expectations of him.