I wrote this on the 12th, but finally publishing it on the 16th-ish… it just turned midnight, so technically the 16th!
Today I was supposed to have an interview with a company that I would probably enjoy, but like usual I apply for positions that I quite frankly cannot work. I am not sure why I do this. It is like I enjoy the “you got the job” accomplishment, even though I really cannot commit to 40 hours a week. Its just as simple as that, I cannot commit to 40 hours a week to a company that will only pay me for the time that I am awake and working 8 hours a day and so forth. With no control over my time and when I work.
That is just not something I could ever see myself doing again. I did it for years – since I was 16 years old, working 8 hours a day 5 days a week – and what exactly do I have to show for it? Financially, not much really. Working to work is what I was doing, it was not really giving me any real semblance of financial freedom.
I did live on income-based housing at one point and received food stamps as well, that is an illusion of freedom – as it comes with strings attached like nobody’s business. I mean, once you are in a comfortable place with government assistance, you cannot “move up” income wise, because the moment you try to increase your living income (which still will not sustain the lifestyle you have developed) you will no longer be eligible for income-based house or government assistance. So, it really and utterly puts you in a stale mate.
I felt so stuck in the system for so long, 5 years to be exact. I could not make more money and reach my full potential even by a smidge, else I would lose the “freedom” and luxuries I currently had and wanted to maintain. It was draining to know that at any minute someone else (The Government in this instance) was in control of my income in a way and I needed to break out.
I took a higher paying position within the company I was working for and was given notice by all government assistance that I would be no longer eligible and the income-based housing I was living in for the past 5 years would now need to end. I found an apartment for my daughter and I, but after living there for less than a year, even with my full-time job at $12 an hour (Yes, $12 an hour is big money and made me ineligible for any assistance) – We had to request to break lease early and ended up moving in with family to help with bills and getting on my feet financially. This was humiliating and a blessing all at the same time.
The downfall with this as well, is that when we moved in with them, it became easy to go right back to the previous lifestyle and not take responsibility for bills (as I had none whilst living with family) it set me back even further, financially and mentally. It’s a cycle that needs to be broken, and I was slower than most I’d assume in realizing my bad behavior was going to impact future me and my family if I didn’t get it together and begin focusing on my finances for real, not just for the immediate moment.
We ended up using our income tax to move out in the May of 2020, and now that brings us full circle.
Still, struggling to make ends meet and I feel as though I will forever be searching for that financial freedom that does not come with strings. We are on our way to the beach now, to have a family day and I feel like its important that I jot down my thoughts to help motivate me to continue searching. Doing the search, I should have been doing 10 years ago. I feel like by now I would have found the answer and would be writing you all the ins and outs to how I got here. To financial freedom.
However, that is not the case. So, now I am going through this right before your eyes. ENJOY!
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