Go give Jenny a like. Jenny breaks this down like she was there in my life seeing everything I saw, but the difference she has clarity. While 6 year old me didn’t, 8 year old me didn’t, 12 year old me didn’t, 15 year old me didn’t, 17 year old me didn’t, 22 year old me didn’t, 24 year old me didn’t, 31 year old me didn’t 33 year old me had the year of clarity from both snakes on my life. Praise God. Each of those years I named, are pivotal forks in the road of my life that her influence was strong in the choices I made that changed the trajectory of my life in permanent ways. I have to reap consequences for the decisions I made under her influence. That part is the hardest. Praise God for clarity and people willing to speak out about dangerous behaviors and the impact it has on us.
In my experience this is true. I was weaponized agained my parents by the other. The largest bonding moments between myself and my paremts were the moments we would be critical of the other parent.
(Remember I was a child – simply present and desiring connection – innocent and impressionable)
I would be given information that now as an adult I know is inapropirate and harmful to a child to know, in order to use it against the other parent and or relay a message. Because I loved my parents purely and innocently, I had no idea the destruction and triangulation I was apart of.
Destructive behavior in any form is not your child’s responsibility or fault.Hannah Esther
Two emotionally immature people using their child to validate themselves in harming one another, harmed me. I was the collateral damage they weren’t even worried about. Their selfish and destructive behavior has left me having to do the work to heal and grow. I am a strong advocate of emotional intelligence and even I was deceived by a man who couldn’t love.
Placing your child in harms way to “protect yourself” or “because you have a good reason” or “because you’ve convinced yourself it’s not abusive” is abusive and destructive. Never place your child in a position to have to make decision that the adults should be making in private.
You are responsible for protecting your child from destructive conflict, your child is not responsible for protecting you.Hannah Esther
You are responsible for your emotional intelligence, not your child.
You are responsible for your triggers, not your child.
You are responsible for protecting your child from destructive conflict, your child is not responsible for protecting you.
You are responsible for guiding your child in healthy boundaries, by modeling healthy standards and boundaries.
You are responsible for encouraging your child to be kind to themselves, by modeling healthy self love and self care.
Destructive behavior in any form is not your child’s responsibility or fault. You are responsible for that as well. No amount of guilt or threats to your child will teach them healthy boundaries, only better ways to resent you and kick you out of their life when they are able.
Doing the inner work and healing, holding yourself accountable and taking responsibility for your decisions and learning from them is modeling to those around you that you are growing, not stagnant and blaming everyone else for why your life is the way it is.
Your life is the way it is as a result of many variables, there is no one reason. But healing from it, is your responsibility. Own it, don’t put that on your kids!
This is very personal for me, so any of you who experienced this as kids. You’re not alone! I’m with you! ♥️
Let me introduce you to my mom
It’s unbelievable really. My heart hurts knowing so many years we’re lost to her lies and triangulation and deception and manipulation.Hannah Esther
Talk about the most dangerous type of people. It’s so hidden too, so her kids defend her with a vengeance.
I am a self diagnosed ex-scape goat of hers and let me tell you. It’s done a number on me. I’m so thankful for clarity and Gods hand in bringing that clarity to myself and my sister. I’m finally cultivating a relationship with my sister in our 30’s. Because we were so triangulated hardcore, we had and still have a lot of beliefs about one another that are untrue and we’re growing through it. Our CMNM (Covert Malignant Narcissist Mom) poured lies after lies about us into each of us. It’s a process to heal from, but I’m so thankful. It had destroyed my sense of self worth as a young girl before adulthood, and that resulted in me choosing unsafe environments instead of being around her. Although at the time I didn’t even know the depth of how dangerous someone like this is, how she is.
It’s unbelievable really. My heart hurts knowing so many years we’re lost to her lies and triangulation and deception and manipulation. I’m so thankful to be no contact. I cry often, even before God gave me clarity, for a mom. I’ve always deeply yearned for a mom. I’m the mom I needed, reparenting myself has been painfully eye opening and healing. Praise God!
Praise God for revealing the truth and providing for myself and my daughters and my sweet sister!!
Much love to you in your current season, I pray for your heart to be comforted as your minds fog is being cleared, and the truth is being revealed. Here’s to healing from others sinning against us!
We lived our life thinking we were on the same page and that our caring for one another was mutual and only going to grow through hardships and trials. Only to find out, they were using you and didn’t hold you the same regard you held them. Love you are not alone, you are lovable and take this time to have grace with yourself and seek the peace you deserve.Hannah Esther
Much love to you in this season of loss. Although we know that these people leaving may be healthy for us, it hurts all the same. We love them, and invested time and energy into them. Had whole models of who they were to us and who we were to them. We lived our life thinking we were on the same page and that our caring for one another was mutual and only going to grow through hardships and trials. Only to find out, they were using you and didn’t hold you the same regard you held them. Love you are not alone, you are lovable and take this time to have grace with yourself and seek the peace you deserve. Be gentle with your grief and allow it to pass through you. Don’t avoid feeling your feelings. Much love to you as you heal from such a tremendous betrayal and loss.
It’s powerful to take your power back that you didn’t even know was yours to begin with. It was yours all along!Hannah Esther
Stay Vigilant! Your beautiful light is lighting someone’s path out of the tangles of darkness they find themselves in, someone came before me. Your voice speaks for those whose tongue has been cut out, and hasn’t grown back yet. Some don’t have the ability to speak on such matters, for they are not safe.Hannah Esther
Some wonderful people resources for different seasons of a confusing situation:
- My very own resource page called Mommy Help Menu
- Natalie Anne Hoffman with the Flying Free podcast — episode 160 “An Emotional Recovery Tool That Changes Everything” — this episode is a game changer. I listen to it often and it has changed how I think and process my thoughts. Defines where our actions begin. How no one can make us feel anything. It’s all based on the meaning we place on things. It’s powerful to take your power back that you didn’t even know was yours to begin with. It was yours all along!
- Leslie Vernick – Enriching Relationships That Matter Most — podcast episode “Is It Abuse?”
- PlusONE Parents — podcast episode “Does God Hate Divorce”
- Jen Wilkin — podcast episode “DISTRESS & DELIVERANCE: UNDERSTANDING THE HEART OF GOD IN THE MIDST OF SUFFERING WITH JEN WILKIN”
- Bare Marriage with Sheila Wray Gregoire
- Patrick Weaver Ministries
- Esther Company
- Confusion to Clarity
- The Life-Saving Divorce—Gretchen Baskerville
- Intentional Today
- Sarah McDugal – Wilderness to WILD
- Rebecca Davis—Untwisting Scriptures
- Betrayal Trauma Recovery
- Sarah K Ramsey Toxic Person Proof Podcast
- Marg Mowczko
- Psalm 82 Initiative
- Thriving Forward
- Held & Healed: Christian Women Rebuilding After Abuse by Heather Elizabeth
- Another One Free
- Amy Gannett — podcast episode “ANSWERING YOUR KIDS’ QUESTIONS ABOUT GOD WHEN YOU’VE GOT SOME OF YOUR OWN WITH AMY GANNETT”
- Lisa Appelo — podcast episode “LIFE CAN BE GOOD AGAIN: LOSS & LACK TRANSFORMED BY THE GOODNESS OF GOD WITH LISA APPELO”
- Bailey T. Hurley — podcast episode “FRIENDS LIKE FAMILY: FINDING YOUR PEOPLE & CULTIVATING COMMUNITY”
- Nate Postlethwait
- Work At Home Job Leads – May 30th 2023Listings go quickly, especially non-phone gigs, so RUNNNN when you see what you want!
- Splitting: Why Viewing Things In Black And White Can Be DamagingRecognizing life is not just black and white helps you to become more aware of why you think and act the way you do.
- What does disassociation even look like?Dissociation… ranging from a mild emotional detachment from the immediate surroundings, to a more severe disconnection from physical and emotional experiences.
- What Does A Narcissistic Mom Look Like?Talk about the most dangerous type of people. It’s so hidden too, so her kids defend her with a vengeance.
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