Hey! My name is Hannah. Some people just don’t realize their behavior/actions are abusive. However, once the person is made privy to the impact their behavior has — that will be a good indicator on their desire to continue in damaging behavior or has true heart change.
No one says you should reconcile with the person who bombs a building due to their false beliefs. They are guilty and dangerous and stay away from them, is likely what you’d hear.
Yet when it’s covert and only overt in the private parts of the home (that no one else sees) or when they think no one’s looking (sitting in the car outside of church) and LABELED as normal or even healthy for that matter, we begin to believe that these behaviors are okay, our cross to bear even. Because we are to die to our flesh, happiness, selfishness, pushy (holding them accountable), and wear the badge of suffering like it’s a badge of honor. Women are told that we are responsible for how he feels… which is not true. You’re not responsible for how I feel, no one ever says he is responsible for how she feels. We are all individually responsible for how we feel. I can’t control you. Nor do I want to. It was a game changer when I found language for the unbelievable behavior. I praise God for seeing me. Jesus Wept!! He cares. 😭🥰
Being gentle with yourself as you learn to grow and seek healing for the impact on your life that others sins have scarred you with, and the dismissive attitude toward the emotionally bruised and spiritually beaten. You will see that God never intends for you to keep intimate company with such people who are willing to be the foothold to Satan gaining access to you through them and asserting that oppressive power over you, in the name of “love”. I can say no. I can walk away from people who are dedicated to sin & their false god. Period.
Forgiveness and Reconciliation are NOT synonymous, look it up. Forgiveness is between You and God.
I think it’s powerful to understand that just because someone admits fault, does not equal remorse or even the intent to grow/change. Shame for one’s actions isn’t equal to desire to do the work that results in heart change. Shame is a natural consequence for bad choices, it’s what we do with that shame that makes the difference.
I spent such a big part of my life in resent toward anything related to God due to the view of God I was fed growing up. The quid pro quo God (do good here to get goodies in heaven. The reward/punishment based rebuke that creates an environment of pride and shame, depending on how you measure your worthiness in your good doings — always feeling not good enough or the need to be “braggy” just to prove, I did something for God), the abusive God (you deserve to suffer, enjoy it, because I can’t love you until you’re perfect – so I’ll scream and yell at you until you submit to my will – but don’t forget I love you), the hypocritical God (the only way you can have relationship/bonding, is if you talk bad about others, else you’re rejected for rejecting what I want), the “like-Christ loved” God (marriage is to hate each other or one’s own self long enough to celebrate how long they were able to endure the misery of “loving like Christ” — because “God hates divorce more than he hates sinning against one another” — oh and I’m doing this for the kids, because kids need two parents.. who hate one another, screaming, yelling, throwing everything everywhere. Covering up huge sins that should have been brought to light, but to “protect” the kids, it wasn’t.). And last but not least, the weaponized God (you’re not in Gods will if you aren’t doing what I say (don’t talk about what happens at home), you are apart of the problem, if you aren’t doing what I tell you to do. — Bible verse to prove that my way is best, and you are wrong. Forced into living a double life as a child. Hypocrites.)
I no longer live there, in that space of confusion and shame. God has revealed himself to me. I serve the One True God. The Creator God. God is Love.
Jesus did not come here to condemn.
—— if you’ve gotten this far, you’re probably thinking, goodness Hannah – that’s a lot for a Tuesday. And you just said not to condemn, but now you’re moving on to 1 Cor 5:11… well friend – I am not here to condemn you, I’m here to show you that your actions will condemn you. Jesus is life and our sin nature is death. Live free my friends! ——
The only mention in the Bible is the verse 1 Cor 5:11 KJV listed above.
Some people don’t realize the implication of their actions.
What we say and do are a harvest of what has been sown in our heart. I intend to be vigilant to protect my mind, my children’s mind and protect my space, only allowing the love of God to influence my decisions. Because the alternative is to believe that we must earn Gods love and feel constant shame for never measuring up. That’s the work of the devil.
God is Pro-Choice in that he gave you free will to choose. The devil takes what God creates for good and corrupts it; lying to you – making you feel as though you have no choice.
Studying the book of John, listen/read about the character of God through Jesus! It will open your eyes to who God is. ♥️ much love in your walk with Christ!
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- What Does Word Salad Look Like?When you’ve been feeling unheard and dismissed when you voice legitimate concern and some how you end up as the one apologizing or confused for even saying anything at all and/or reacting. Now all they focus on is your reaction and you’re accused of nagging or being that person who is bitter and doesn’t let anything go. After, you can barely even remember what happened. You feel disoriented and doubting your own gut feelings or instincts.
- What Does Reactive Abuse Look Like?…you know this is a boundary they knowingly are violating — although looks innocent, it’s all by design. Completely disregarding your requests for them to stop, pushing you over the edge to the point — you are literally one thin thread from ripping your own hair out and tearing down the walls in rage that engulfs you…
- You’re Still Not Doing It Right……God did not give anyone dominion over your life…
- What Does Gaslighting Look Like?…I built a belief system on these lies and had to unravel them and see my patterns. The deep pain that comes with healing from wounds no one can see…