My Response Series | Who Is Responsible For How I Feel

Hey! My name is Hannah! I have begun a series where I provide you with responses I give in some of the fb groups I am in. As they are private groups, I don’t share what the original post says verbatim, but the general topic of discussion, I do share that for context. I’m excited to share this response with you. The topic of discussion is “Who is responsible for how I feel?”. I hope this is an encouragement to you who may be going through this type of confusion and need clarity, as well as insight to those who are trying to support their friend. I would like to encourage you to consider joining fb groups to support you and find a sisterhood of likeminded women! I have a list of resources at the bottom of this page! Tap here to skip to it!!

Who is responsible for how I feel?

The original poster is curious on how to handle Father’s Day as she is separated from her husband and when Mothers Day was around and she told him to not do anything, he got her things with the emphasis on “you’re my wife I have to”. She wants to know what to do as her husband will “make her feel bad” if she doesn’t do something for him.

My Response

For starters, let me just say how proud of you I am, that you have reached out and shared about your current experiences with your stbxh and his blatant lack of boundaries and weaponizing of obligation toward you parading as though it were a gift.

Nope! Nope! Nope!!!

They don’t get to “make” you feel anything!

Sweet friend you get to choose what you do, say and feel. He can be upset and play the “but I did this for you” game all he wants. You, however, do not have to play with him. You do not HAVE to do anything. As a matter a fact, you get to choose exactly what you want to do!

You can be a boring rock if you want or a gift giving feign if you so choose. He doesn’t get to dictate what you should or shouldn’t, can or can’t do.

Now sure, you can choose to do something for him, but it’s your choice. He can try to manipulate you, intimidate you, guilt you and influence you, but he cannot choose for you.

You have my permission to take your power back! You have the audacity and right to live your life in accordance with the kind of person you want to be and the kind of life you want to build.

You are bold and brave and a courageous woman! You can say NO, you can refuse to accept anything from him, you can enforce your boundaries and you can begin today!

You can change your mind, you can say that you have decided to no longer participate, you can choose to not say anything at all. You do not and I mean it, you do NOT have to give anyone an explanation for your choices or decisions! THIS IS YOUR LIFE!

Now that being said, you have the freedom to do as you’d like regardless of how he attempts to influence you into feeling bad.

Be empowered to know that those games cannot work on you as you have your power back and he can no longer wield his manipulation to get you to preform how he wants. You are in control of your own life and he never did and never will have a say in how you choose to move forward!

You are fearfully and wonderfully made! Your intrinsic worth is not based on the value others assess you with, your worth is far more valuable beyond our own grasp even! You must believe this in your core!

Once you begin to believe in your true worth, your view on this and your whole being will shift and you will see through a new lens! Your life will alter and you will begin seeing people for their true nature. You will begin to see yourself in ways you didn’t believe possible before! You will feel as though you’re seeing for the first time.

Lean into this and know that he cannot make you feel anything. You are in control here! You get to choose how you want this new life to be. You get to make the rules and you get to create your life! You get to choose who has access to you and who doesn’t!

Never give your power to anyone! Your feelings are valid, and no one has any right to them, they are yours and no one has a right to bulldoze them or have you believing they can control them either!

Natalie Hoffmans podcast flying free episode 160 has helped me through gaining clarity on this topic. I recommend listening to it. I usually listen to it every two months or so. Back in march 2022, I was having a difficult time accepting responsibility for my own feelings and navigating the complex emotions attached to other peoples behaviors that I could not control. It’s entirely natural for you to believe you don’t have a voice if no one ever told you or you’ve been told you don’t have one to begin with. So I’m telling you now, you have a voice! Use your voice, it’s yours!

Much love to you on your journey! ♥️

Additional Responses

If they respond, I will place my responses to them here.

Thank you for reading! I do hope this was insightful and encouraging! Taking responsibility for how we feel is an alignment adjustment in your life that will provide you with the freedom and peace to know that no one can control you! You have the inherent opportunity to create the life you want! You get to control everything that happens inside of your mind and the actions you choose to do and what you make things mean. These are all the things you can control! Which means you have a lot of power!! You have the power to create. I hope this encourages you to take responsibility for your feelings, don’t diminish or disregard them or place the responsibility of these feelings on others. Address them, empower them, talk about them, understand the root of them, process them and question the source of them — our feelings come from what something means to us, and the meaning comes from our beliefs. All of this takes intention and work to unravel. The inner work on our beliefs and meanings we place on things and people, and behaviors. It’s all coming from somewhere and the more we dive into it, the more freedom we have to learn about ourselves and grow. You are not someone’s puppet. They can’t “make” you feel or do anything without your permission first, and even then it’s still not them “making” you do or feel anything, you’re simply choosing to blame them instead of taking responsibility for your actions and feelings! Much love to you on your journey of taking responsibility for your life!!

Add my Facebook page for updates and subscribe! – Facebook

Resources

More Resources

  • My Response Series | We Are All Here
    Remind yourself of who you are, you are your own mom. You get to love yourself through this, that sweet girl. That girl from 5 years ago, 10 years ago. The one you are protecting. The one from 20 years ago. We are all here. You are every version of yourself right now past present and future. And they love you and want you to know you are worth fighting for!!
  • My Response Series | “Why Didn’t You Protect Me From Yourself?”
    I can love my parents for who they are as human beings and Gods creation, while also recognizing the need to protect myself from their toxic behaviors by no longer allowing them access to me. Loving my parents and choosing to distance myself from them are not mutually exclusive. I’m honoring myself and them by protecting myself, with the form of love that I needed in childhood, by reparenting myself, this balance allows me to move forward with a sense of integrity and self-respect, fostering a healthier and more fulfilling life.
  • My Response Series | Love Bombing
    The “abuse” comes from the pattern: extreme positive stimulation followed by withdrawal, neglect, or return to baseline, leaving the target emotionally unbalanced. Even if the follow-up isn’t overtly hostile, the mismatch between the initial intensity and the later normalcy can create confusion, anxiety, and a sense of emotional debt.. making it inherently manipulative
  • My Response Series | You Can’t Do It For Him
    Boundaries protect your peace. Let us teach ourselves and our children that real love shows up with consistency, not convenience.

Work At Home Job Leads – June 16th 2023

Hi! I’m Hannah♥️

Hey! My name is Hannah. I’m excited to share some companies who have listed work at home positions. Listings go quick, especially non-phone gigs, so RUNNNN when you see what you want. Much love in your search.

Sometimes opportunities come in forms you’d least expect!

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.”

Oscar Wilde

New Go To’s!

Remotasks – Make money doing tasks. Start earning today! Free bootcamp training offered online. Sign up for at free Remotasks account and work from home. Earnings vary based project. Each task can range from $2 to $6 and more. Paid weekly via Paypal on Tuesdays.

UserTesting – Tasks usually pay between $10 to $60 each. They send your payment to PayPal seven days after you complete a test. Please check that your PayPal account is active and any email addresses we have on file are up to date.

“To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.”

Joseph Chilton Pearce

My Biggest Go To’s

Omni Interactions – Wonderful company. There are gigs listed often and some are long term gigs; while there are also others that are short term. It’s a wonderful place to get consistent work. Phone and non-phone gigs. Up to 40 hours is usually available on average and between $14 and $20 an hour depending on Metric requirements and hour requirements to attain increased pay. Hardwire is required with Ethernet.

Arise Platform – it’s a platform that gives you access to multiple clients to choose from. Ranging from phones to non-phones. Pay is between $12 and $15. You do pay for training, as it’s seen as an investment. You use a software that’s called ASD, which does detect if you have Wi-Fi on. You have to be hardwired with Ethernet for these clients.

Invest In Yourself!!

“Wherever you are – be all there.”

Jim Elliot

My Response Series | Is This Abuse?

Hey! My name is Hannah! I have begun a series where I provide you with responses I give in some of the fb groups I am in. As they are private groups, I don’t share what the original post says verbatim, but the general topic of discussion, I do share that for context. I’m excited to share this response with you. The topic of discussion is “is this abuse?” I hope this is an encouragement to you who may be going through this type of confusion and need clarity, as well as insight to those who are trying to support their friend. I would like to encourage you to consider joining fb groups to support you and find a sisterhood of likeminded women! I have a list of resources at the bottom of this page! Tap here to skip to it!!

Is This Abuse?

The original poster is curious if she’s being critical of the behavior of her boyfriend and questioning her judgment, wondering if it’s just her ptsd/history of having already been in two marriages with men who abused her in various ways. She is concerned about the “anger outbursts” of her boyfriend and states that in between these “anger outbursts” everything goes back to being great and the relationship is really good. She even states that her boyfriend says that it’s normal and all relationships have hardships. While she also describes the “anger outbursts” as: “but if I hurt his feelings (unintentionally) he gets so angry and loses his temper. I pay attention, and he has his little temper tantrums about every 5-8 weeks.” She stated he knows of her history with being abused and having ptsd from inconsistent and destructive behavior. She states that he knows his behavior is bad as he says “he hates that he does it”. Yet continues the behavior anyways. She feels confused and wants to know if this would be considered abuse. She apologizes for rambling while explaining her experience.

My Response

It’s your experience and it’s important to you!!

Hannah Esther

Just for starters, you are describing everything so well and none of this is rambling!! It’s your experience and it’s important to you!! I want to say that I’m proud of you for being vulnerable with what you’re going through and taking the time to write it here!!

In life we are going to be met with challenges and perceived slights and a considerable amount of trials, the sooner we can come to terms with that the sooner we can separate what happens around us from what happens in us and make our choices from a baseline of response instead of reactivity.

Hannah Esther

My first point I’d like drive home is the baseline. In life we are going to be met with challenges and perceived slights and a considerable amount of trials, the sooner we can come to terms with that the sooner we can separate what happens around us from what happens in us and make our choices from a baseline of response instead of reactivity. It’s quite literally the one thing we have supreme power over, how we respond.

Anyone can be Mr wonderful when things are going good.. it’s when there is conflict or perceived conflict that the persons true nature is revealed.

Hannah Esther

If his base line is to become a volcano in response to common misunderstandings, this is setting the tone for any and all possible conflicts and will inevitably get considerably worse as it is the very core of a person — anyone can be Mr wonderful when things are going good.. it’s when there is conflict or perceived conflict that the persons true nature is revealed. Can they regulate their emotions, can they consider the other person as they speak, can they self evaluate and change the behavior the next opportunity? All of these point to the person as being willing to truly change instead of lip service.

The concerned partner is then learning whether consciously or unconsciously that they should refrain from bringing things up that should be brought up, because they are being groomed to know that it’s not a safe place for anything that could rock the boat.

Hannah Esther

Usually the only one who changes is the person with a concern that is perceived by the overgrown toddler as a slight. The concerned partner is then learning whether consciously or unconsciously that they should refrain from bringing things up that should be brought up, because they are being groomed to know that it’s not a safe place for anything that could rock the boat.

It is tempting to regulate for them, but avoiding conflicting topics all together, which once you notice yourself doing that… it’s usually a good indicator that this is the baseline of your relationship.

Hannah Esther

You are not his mommy and he is not a toddler, he either will regulate his emotions or he won’t. However, it is tempting to regulate for them, but avoiding conflicting topics all together, which once you notice yourself doing that… it’s usually a good indicator that this is the baseline of your relationship at 8 months…. You already have an abusive foundation so early on that it will get progressively worse.

Him saying that he “hates that about himself” insinuates he identifies as someone who does this and that is a huge red flag that he likely has the limiting view that this is part of “who he is” verses simply something he has full control over doing and is actively choosing to do this behavior.

Hannah Esther

That being said, him saying that he “hates that about himself” insinuates he identifies as someone who does this and that is a huge red flag that he likely has the limiting view that this is part of “who he is” verses simply something he has full control over doing and is actively choosing to do this behavior.

In the process you are groomed to tip toe as to not get that beast that you will eventually claim as your responsibility or he will view as your fault for unleashing.

Hannah Esther

There is no accountability in that view and only when he’s calmed down, he “apologizes” and expects you to accept that this is who he is and y’all can bond over hating that side of him….. and in the process you are groomed to tip toe as to not get that beast that you will eventually claim as your responsibility or he will view as your fault for unleashing.

This person does not have the emotional intelligence to regulate their emotions on a bare minimum level of respect and consideration or they are actively choosing to being a complete inconsiderate disrespectful and a reckless individual.

Hannah Esther

Moving forward, you will likely see that you are the only person he blows a gasket to.. observe him with other people. Does he do the same tantrum with others, is he a tantrum personality or is it very specific to you and only you that gets graced with his choice to blow up when he feels slighted? It’s little key things like this that help me to know — this person does not have the emotional intelligence to regulate their emotions on a bare minimum level of respect and consideration or they are actively choosing to being a complete inconsiderate disrespectful and a reckless individual.

Either way the impact is the same and you will bare the burden of it if they are not willing to grow and it’s not your responsibly to coax them into growing, that’s a them thing.

Hannah Esther

Either way the impact is the same and you will bare the burden of it if they are not willing to grow and it’s not your responsibly to coals them into growing, that’s a them thing. In my experience someone who has these limiting beliefs will not change for someone…. They have to want it for themselves from inside out, not based on external people or things. It has to be a desire he has.

You can’t convince or love someone into changing and growing in a healthy way! They at their core have to want it.

Hannah Esther

You can’t convince or love someone into changing and growing in a healthy way! They at their core have to want it.

Just a quick side note, you should self evaluate if you currently have limiting beliefs like “this is as good as it’s going to get for me”, “I’ll never find another guy who does all the good things he does”, “it’s not that bad, it could be worse”….. some examples there to segway into a huge fat NONE OF THAT IS TRUE!!

Let me empower you to read the book 7 habits of highly effective people, I’m currently reading it and it’s just really empowered me in just about every aspect of my life.

You deserve to be treated with kindness even when the other person doesn’t like what you have to say.

Hannah Esther

You deserve to be treated with consideration and respect during conflicts and misunderstandings. You do not deserve to be yelled at, scolded or treated with stonewalling. You deserve to be treated with kindness even when the other person doesn’t like what you have to say.

Much love to you and I hope this encourages you on your journey!! ♥️🫂

Additional Responses

If they respond, I will place my responses to them here.

Thank you for reading! I do hope this was insightful and encouraging! It’s so easy for us to dismiss abuse and doubt it’s gravity just because it’s perceived as normal or common. Impact of being consistently treated like subpar human isn’t the only abusive dynamic, it’s the in-between times of good times that are just so great you tend to view the “bad” as a one off or just “how they are” and if you have limiting beliefs that convince you this is okay for some reason or another, you will justify their behavior and the impact it will have on you will be significant. Abuse is abuse, any abusive behavior is abuse and should be identified as such. If the other person is aware that their behavior is harming you and they continue the behavior, they are showing you that they are not going to change and are choosing to continue the behavior that they know has harmed you before. These are red flags that you should not ignore!!! Walk away if this is consistent in your situation! Disregard for your intrinsic worth as a person is the highest form of devaluation!! Much love to you on your journey!!

Subscribe

  • My Response Series | We Are All Here
    Remind yourself of who you are, you are your own mom. You get to love yourself through this, that sweet girl. That girl from 5 years ago, 10 years ago. The one you are protecting. The one from 20 years ago. We are all here. You are every version of yourself right now past present and future. And they love you and want you to know you are worth fighting for!!
  • My Response Series | “Why Didn’t You Protect Me From Yourself?”
    I can love my parents for who they are as human beings and Gods creation, while also recognizing the need to protect myself from their toxic behaviors by no longer allowing them access to me. Loving my parents and choosing to distance myself from them are not mutually exclusive. I’m honoring myself and them by protecting myself, with the form of love that I needed in childhood, by reparenting myself, this balance allows me to move forward with a sense of integrity and self-respect, fostering a healthier and more fulfilling life.
  • My Response Series | Love Bombing
    The “abuse” comes from the pattern: extreme positive stimulation followed by withdrawal, neglect, or return to baseline, leaving the target emotionally unbalanced. Even if the follow-up isn’t overtly hostile, the mismatch between the initial intensity and the later normalcy can create confusion, anxiety, and a sense of emotional debt.. making it inherently manipulative
  • My Response Series | You Can’t Do It For Him
    Boundaries protect your peace. Let us teach ourselves and our children that real love shows up with consistency, not convenience.

Resources

More Resources

Work At Home Job Leads – June 9th 2023

Hi! I’m Hannah♥️

Hey! My name is Hannah. I’m excited to share some companies who have listed work at home positions. Listings go quick, especially non-phone gigs, so RUNNNN when you see what you want. Much love in your search.

Sometimes opportunities come in forms you’d least expect!

“If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.”

Lemony Snicket

New Go To’s!

Remotasks – Make money doing tasks. Start earning today! Free bootcamp training offered online. Sign up for at free Remotasks account and work from home. Earnings vary based project. Each task can range from $2 to $6 and more. Paid weekly via Paypal on Tuesdays.

UserTesting – Tasks usually pay between $10 to $60 each. They send your payment to PayPal seven days after you complete a test. Please check that your PayPal account is active and any email addresses we have on file are up to date.

“To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.”

Joseph Chilton Pearce

My Biggest Go To’s

Omni Interactions – Wonderful company. There are gigs listed often and some are long term gigs; while there are also others that are short term. It’s a wonderful place to get consistent work. Phone and non-phone gigs. Up to 40 hours is usually available on average and between $14 and $20 an hour depending on Metric requirements and hour requirements to attain increased pay. Hardwire is required with Ethernet.

Arise Platform – it’s a platform that gives you access to multiple clients to choose from. Ranging from phones to non-phones. Pay is between $12 and $15. You do pay for training, as it’s seen as an investment. You use a software that’s called ASD, which does detect if you have Wi-Fi on. You have to be hardwired with Ethernet for these clients.

Invest In Yourself!!

“Wherever you are – be all there.”

Jim Elliot

My Response Series | Separately Together

Hey! My name is Hannah! I have begun a series where I provide you with responses I give in some of the fb groups I am in. As they are private groups, I don’t share what the original post says verbatim, but the general topic of discussion, I do share that for context. I’m excited to share this response with you. The topic of discussion is the concept of remarrying after divorce from a destructive toxic relationship. And the more specific is the format for which you’d live separately from the person you are with. It sounds outlandish to some, but for those who were abused and had no idea what was happening to them, having this safety net is paramount as relationships are not black and white and although your future partner may not be abusive in nature, they will likely have their own trauma to work through that can be triggering and ultimately lead to a separation depending on the desire of your future partner to heal their own trauma and grow. I hope this is an encouragement to you who may be going through this, as well as insight to those who are trying to support their friend. I have a list of resources at the bottom of this page! Tap here to skip to it!!

Separately Together

The original poster is curious on understanding why her divorced friend plans to keep her own home if she decides to remarry, as she wants to have a safe place to retreat to if things don’t go well. The original poster is wanting to understand why her friend would do this. So, I responded with my perspective. I have found this to be a common perspective too called separately together.

My Response

Just so hidden how they were able to manage to get in and deceive me so well.

Hannah Esther

Yep. I already made up my mind that any future relationships will all be in separate homes, no co-habituating!
I cannot imagine being in the position to ever lose everything again. Just so hidden how they were able to manage to get in and deceive me so well.

because nothing was ever too drastic or even abusive for that matter to be alarmed.

Hannah Esther

You seem to be seeking a way to understand, to be a good friend? I will say this, I don’t even understand and I experienced it.
Best way to describe it would to imagine someone convinces you they are doing everything with your best intentions in mind and all the while your own desire to see the benefit of the doubt solidify your being in for the biggest and longest con of a life time. Being devalued on such a large scale and then discarded only to be hoovered in and idealized all over again… thinking it was just a one off or a bad day. Slowly over time our own internal gut instincts begin to get quieter as we’ve disregarded it little by little, because nothing was ever too drastic or even abusive for that matter to be alarmed.

It was all by design, all a big fat lie.

Hannah Esther

Until, it all comes unraveled and the grand finale happens years and even decades later, their mask comes all the way off and you see them and they see you seeing them. Usually some big moment like a marriage or a child birth or a major illness, where they’d have to actually care and be genuinely selfless, you can only fake that stuff for so long… and once that climactic moment occurs, you begin to feel like you’re going insane. Because what you see now begins to make everything from the past that was just a “one off” or “bad day” make more sense. It was all by design, all a big fat lie. A means to an end. To be so egregiously betrayed of a whole life experience, to be betrayed of the future they were claiming to create with you. To fathom it all is indescribable and the harrowing and gutting reality comes crashing down that…….. this… could…. happen… to… ANYONE!!!!

I’m not stupid or dumb

Hannah Esther

I’m not stupid or dumb, I’m a smart woman, had my life together, had my own home, car, career, life and group of friends.

because for me it was an investment

Hannah Esther

By the end I had nothing and he took it all away meticulously where I was in agreement to become a stay at home mom, leave my job, isolated me from friends because he didn’t like to do things and I wanted to honor my spouse, so I was more than willing to sacrifice in the name of our family and future, because for me it was an investment. An investment that is considered to be a life long investment. And when it was all said and done, it took going to a marriage retreat and seeing flourishing healthy couples for him to see me see him. It was such a wild experience. After 8 years, I began to see him more clearly and it was the most devastating time of my life. To see the truth.

making sure I honored him in all my choices

Hannah Esther

To come face to face with someone who I planned my life with and around. Who I devoted my energy to and supported in everything. Who I defended without question and justified with all of my heart. Forgave him and sought to reconcile differences as that is what was important to me in making sure i honored him in all my choices.

I disassociated and it saved my life

Hannah Esther

To find out it was all a fraud, a fake, a catastrophic con of all cons. He faked me out for almost a decade and I disassociated and it saved my life. I had to separate myself mentally from my emotions and experiences, to survive.

It will be separate homes and personally I could never see myself getting remarried

Hannah Esther

I can not imagine allowing a man that type of interference in my life again. I can not imagine allowing a man to be involved in mine and my daughters permanent life decisions.
I am also still processing my situation as we have only been separated a year. However, I can say when I do begin to date. It will be separate homes and personally I could never see myself getting remarried. So your friend is considering her desire for sexual relations inside of marriage and I commend her for that. I haven’t even thought that far ahead.

For me though, I cannot imagine a man living with me again.
Hope this helps you have some clarity over why your friend is adamant to have her safe place. ♥️

Being critical of their choices when moving forward, will only traumatize someone further and would place someone in the unsafe category for future interactions

Hannah Esther

Safe support systems are important, your friend just needs someone who will believe her and support her in how she chooses to heal. Being critical of their choices when moving forward, will only traumatize someone further and would place someone in the unsafe category for future interactions. ♥️ much love to you!!

Additional Responses

If they respond, I will place my responses to them here.

Response B: States friend need to know this and how it’s so difficult to trust someone for future relationships.

My response: I’m open to trusting someone. I’m just not willing to compromise certain things anymore. My idea of relationships has changed. I will not allow a temporary person to permanently influence my daughters lives or mine again in the way someone living with you would do. I can trust and say no to things. It’s important to distinguish that the absence of yes isn’t me having trust issues. It’s me having preference and choice in the matter. I don’t think my friends “need” to understand anything. A good friend is someone who will want to encourage your best interest without compromising their own moral ground. You must first start with quality friendships. ♥️🫂 Much love to you!

Thank you for reading! I do hope this was insightful on why someone would prefer to be with someone separately. As the type of hidden abuse we’ve experienced is so easily laced in “good behaviors” to deceive you into believing it’s good. Much love to you on your journey!!

Subscribe

Resources

More Resources

  • My Response Series | We Are All Here
    Remind yourself of who you are, you are your own mom. You get to love yourself through this, that sweet girl. That girl from 5 years ago, 10 years ago. The one you are protecting. The one from 20 years ago. We are all here. You are every version of yourself right now past present and future. And they love you and want you to know you are worth fighting for!!
  • My Response Series | “Why Didn’t You Protect Me From Yourself?”
    I can love my parents for who they are as human beings and Gods creation, while also recognizing the need to protect myself from their toxic behaviors by no longer allowing them access to me. Loving my parents and choosing to distance myself from them are not mutually exclusive. I’m honoring myself and them by protecting myself, with the form of love that I needed in childhood, by reparenting myself, this balance allows me to move forward with a sense of integrity and self-respect, fostering a healthier and more fulfilling life.
  • My Response Series | Love Bombing
    The “abuse” comes from the pattern: extreme positive stimulation followed by withdrawal, neglect, or return to baseline, leaving the target emotionally unbalanced. Even if the follow-up isn’t overtly hostile, the mismatch between the initial intensity and the later normalcy can create confusion, anxiety, and a sense of emotional debt.. making it inherently manipulative
  • My Response Series | You Can’t Do It For Him
    Boundaries protect your peace. Let us teach ourselves and our children that real love shows up with consistency, not convenience.

My Response Series | Crazy Making

Hey, I’m Hannah!! I am a champion of women empowerment and love to encourage women to trust themselves. I am in a couple groups on fb that are healing and have helped me in my search for clarity and I am thankful for how many women are in these groups sharing their experiences and helping all of us feel less alone and more validated in our own experiences as well. We have things that have happened to us that are so unimaginable, I had no idea people did this type of stuff, that someone could be so evil. It gives “spite” a run for its money in reality. So, I have decided to create a series. A series of my responses to original posts in these private groups (series name is OP Responses). Since it’s private, I’m not sharing what they said, but I will share the general topic as a title and then my response to their post. I think this is a great idea and it’s also going to be based on my own experiences. I hope this is enlightening to you and gives you some validation in your own experiences. Much love to you on this journey to healing and clarity! I have a list of resources at the bottom of this page! Tap here to skip to it!! – Hannah

Crazy Making

Purposefully doing things that are insignificant in nature a chronic pattern of times with the intent to create chaos out of quite literally nothing, in order to cause you to feel crazy for even being upset about it.

Hannah Esther

Mine would do similar insidious things and then lie about them. Which turned into arguments over a $10 bill, a shot glass, me being sick and not telling him that I was sick so that he could take care of me (he yelled at me and silent treatment me for not telling him I was sick, because — and wait for it — he loves me and wanted to take care of me)… yeah make it make sense. These idiots will lie about the color of the sky just to get a reaction and then get mad at you for even insinuating that they lied, because reaction. It’s their drug of choice other than admiration 24/7. These royalty wannabes are pathological, they know what to do to get a reaction to trigger your crazy bone, to “prove” they are superior, because if they can “control” you into a fit of arguments…. They “got you”, they “won”….. they have devoured you and all that is reasonable to get you in the chokehold of “why is he doing this” to get you to try to understand the lunacy that is their delusion, they know exactly what they are doing and they know it’s the trick that always works when you’ve been groomed to believe that they are rational people to some extent. They wear their mask crooked sometimes, so we don’t even realize the full extent of the strings they pull behind the scenes.

insignificantly insignificant

Hannah Esther

And the things they do are so meticulous and insignificantly insignificant, that to ever tell someone “my spouse lied to me about having a $10 bill in his wallet” would actually sound like we are the overly petty one in the relationship. I heard someone call this death by a thousand paper cuts, because nothing is ever “bad” on its own…. It’s the pattern. It’s the gut punch, the agonizing and harrowing sudden realization that —— and listen closely —— they are doing this on purpose and know exactly what they are doing. That throws you for the loop of your life, ruminating every thing from your relationship now knowing it was all fake and a lie.

it’s all a lie

Hannah Esther

Blows your mind knowing that it’s all a lie and now you’re left to either deal with it and heal or avoid and possibly jump back into denial. The ignorance is bliss idea can be very alluring when the reality of who they are choosing to be is absolutely harrowing and a gigantic wrench in the future you thought was real. It’s such a life altering reality check. Today it’s your eye drops, tomorrow it’s your car keys the next it’s your mind. It’s a slow and painful awakening in my opinion.

Much love to you in your journey to clarity! ♥️

They commented.

My response: That stuff is straight up out of the pit of hell. I’m so sorry that you experienced that. They can’t handle the idea that you’d be kind and considerate, they have to project their toxic, hateful, evil intentions and assign their true motives to you. Otherwise they’d be all to aware that they are horrible people and can’t justify themselves. But blaming you, ahhh, that is enough justification for them to not only unjustly accuse you of things far far out of your character, but to keep being evil and assassinating your good nature as often as possible. Mind games is right. But doesn’t quite hit or do it justice to lengths they go to destroy us and relish in the destruction. Much love to you, I hope you escaped the hell he creates! ♥️

Stay tuned for more! Subscribe!

Resources

More Resources

My Response Series | We Are All Here

Remind yourself of who you are, you are your own mom. You get to love yourself through this, that sweet girl. That girl from 5 years ago, 10 years ago. The one you are protecting. The one from 20 years ago. We are all here. You are every version of yourself right now past present…

The Family Treat's avatar by The Family Treat

My Response Series | “Why Didn’t You Protect Me From Yourself?”

I can love my parents for who they are as human beings and Gods creation, while also recognizing the need to protect myself from their toxic behaviors by no longer allowing them access to me.

Loving my parents and choosing to distance myself from them are not mutually exclusive. I’m honoring myself and them by…

The Family Treat's avatar by The Family Treat

My Response Series | Love Bombing

The “abuse” comes from the pattern: extreme positive stimulation followed by withdrawal, neglect, or return to baseline, leaving the target emotionally unbalanced. Even if the follow-up isn’t overtly hostile, the mismatch between the initial intensity and the later normalcy can create confusion, anxiety, and a sense of emotional debt.. making it inherently manipulative

The Family Treat's avatar by The Family Treat

Work At Home Job Leads – May 30th 2023

Hi! I’m Hannah♥️

Hey! My name is Hannah. I’m excited to share some companies who have listed work at home positions. Listings go quick, especially non-phone gigs, so RUNNNN when you see what you want. Much love in your search.

Remotasks – Make money doing tasks. Start earning today! Free bootcamp training offered online. Sign up for at free Remotasks account and work from home. Earn up to $200/month.

My Biggest Go To’s

Omni Interactions – Wonderful company. There are gigs listed often and some are long term gigs; while there are also others that are short term. It’s a wonderful place to get consistent work. Phone and non-phone gigs. Up to 40 hours is usually available on average and between $14 and $20 an hour depending on Metric requirements and hour requirements to attain increased pay. Hardwire is required with Ethernet.

Arise Platform – it’s a platform that gives you access to multiple clients to choose from. Ranging from phones to non-phones. Pay is between $12 and $15. You do pay for training, as it’s seen as an investment. You use a software that’s called ASD, which does detect if you have Wi-Fi on. You have to be hardwired with Ethernet for these clients.

Invest In Yourself!!

Splitting: Why Viewing Things In Black And White Can Be Damaging

Hey! I’m Hannah! I’m glad you’re here. I’d like to share with you a little bit about splitting. I’ve done it and I know some people live perpetually in it. It has its benefits, but it can be very destructive too. I hope this will be an encouragement to you and help you to see that we experience things and some of the things we experience don’t have to be shamed or judged, simply observed and accepted, and choose to either stay or change. We can be kind to ourself and want better for ourselves at the same time. Much love to you!

The black and white perspective

This can stunt our personal growth and make it more difficult for us to reach our full potential.

Hannah Esther

When it comes to the way we view the world, most of us tend to see things in black and white. This means that we either see something as good or bad, right or wrong, important or unimportant. While this way of thinking can be helpful in some situations, it can also be damaging.

Viewing things in black and white can lead to a number of problems, such as:

  • It can make us close-minded and resistant to new ideas.
  • It can cause us to make snap judgments about people and situations.
  • It can lead to us feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

This type of thinking can also limit our potential growth and development. Seeing things in black and white can make us close-minded, which can lead to us missing out on different perspectives and opportunities. This can stunt our personal growth and make it more difficult for us to reach our full potential.

It has to be a conscious choice to change these beliefs and become open minded to nuance.

Hannah Esther

Letting go of this black and white way of thinking can be difficult for many individuals due to the fact that it is deeply engrained in their beliefs. Our mindsets and beliefs shape the way that we perceive the world and how we interact with it. It has to be a conscious choice to change these beliefs and become open minded to nuance.

familiar and comfortable for us to default to

Hannah Esther

Additionally, this type of thinking can be so familiar and comfortable for us to default to the, “all or nothing”, mentality that we’ve been accustomed to. It’s easier to think that things are either good or bad and that there’s no in between.

see the beauty in the nuances of life

Hannah Esther

Unlearning this type of thinking and behavior is no easy task; however, with persistence and intention, you can learn to recognize and redirect your thoughts in order to see the beauty in the nuances of life.

The benefits of a more nuanced view

Recognizing life is not just black and white helps you to become more aware of why you think and act the way you do.

Hannah Esther

Seeing life in different shades of grey is extremely beneficial. This can help you to become more adaptable to change, form healthier relationships, and become more empathetic.

The major benefits of viewing things in more shades of grey include:

  • Better decision making – When you view things in black and white, you are stuck in a box and cannot think outside of it. More nuanced thoughts allows your mind to think more flexibly, because you are open to more possibilities. It can lead to more open-mindedness and clarity.
  • Increased self-awareness – Recognizing life is not just black and white helps you to become more aware of why you think and act the way you do. You can become more conscious of your beliefs and understanding of why other people see things differently. This can also lead to less judgement of yourself and others.
  • Healthy relationships – Seeing things in shades of grey helps you to communicate with others in a respectful way. You don’t take everybody’s opinion at face value and you can learn to listen and understand different points of view. This can open up channels of constructive conversations and create a better understanding between people.
  • Increased empathy – When you view the world from a nuanced perspective, your empathy can increase. Instead of seeing a situation in absolutes, you can become better at understanding why a person might feel or act a certain way.

Conclusion

Black and white thinking can be damaging because it doesn’t allow for situation flexibility or the room to develop critical thinking skills. It can leave a person feeling frustrated and confused at times. Nuanced thinking, on the other hand, leaves us open to more possibilities, better decision making, and a better understanding of ourselves and others. This can lead to healthier relationships, increased empathy and overall a elevated quality of life.

Viewing life in shades of grey can help you to become more open-minded, understanding, and empathetic, not just to the world around you but to yourself as well.

Hannah Esther

So, the next time you’re feeling frustrated or you feel like life is black and white, it might be better to take a step back and consider the bigger picture. It can help you to see things from different angles and also increase your critical thinking skills. Viewing life in shades of grey can help you to become more open-minded, understanding, and empathetic, not just to the world around you but to yourself as well.

Being with someone who only sees things with the perspective of all or nothing. Splitting.

Psychological and emotional abuse is violence with a smile.

Hannah Esther
  1. What is abuse? The exploiting of another for gain, small or large. Exploitation has many forms and the tools of manipulation and deception are vast. The abuse cycle is a form of extremes. Extreme highs and extreme lows, resulting in bonding due to the chemical releases that occurs when we experience traumatic extreme experiences. The abuse cycle is a pattern of behavior beginning in an idealization phase (love bombing – can look really chill even), devaluing phase (unreasonably critical – can seem like they are just offering feedback – can invokes the fight or flight trauma response), discard phase (unreasonably quits – uses manipulation like stonewalling, gaslighting, silent treatment to invoke the fawn trauma response in you), which paves the way for the final phase of hoovering (they use any tactic to get you to question your own experience, like gifts and apologies betting on your fawn trauma response to be in full swing so that the love bombing can begin once more). Chronic exposure to this cycle destroys your sense of self and your ability to trust your own experiences. Psychological and emotional abuse is violence with a smile. It’s hidden and dangerous. Physical abuse always has firms of psychological and emotional abuse.
  2. How can splitting be abusive? An individual prone to splitting is typically quick to place this type of polarizing judgment, often leading to either idealizing or devaluing people, things, and situations. It doesn’t allow much room for nuance, and it can set a person up for disappointment. They’re also likely to abruptly change their opinions from one extreme to another, which can be frustrating to those around them because of the endless push-pull dynamic it can create. One common pattern that can occur in a person prone to splitting is cycles of idealization and devaluation. Which is the key components of any abuse dynamic.
  3. What are the effects of this type of abuse? The affect of being idealized is believing someone is being genuine and loving and thinking when they begin to devalue you, that they are truly trying to help you still with good intentions. This over time becomes harsher and harsher the more of your faults they learn. It becomes harder for them to idealize someone who in their black and white viewing has become not worthy of their idealization and is just worthy of being devalued and discarded. When you fawn for them to return, the person you believed them to be during the idealization phases. They Hoover back in, thinking in their own delusional state that you are worthy again until you’re not. It’s inhumane and crushes people who are empathetic and genuinely are trying to be kind and understanding. Leave people who have the all or nothing perspective. They will not be able to see nuance and grow with you. They will happily destroy themself along with you if it means they view themselves as worthless while they currently view you as worthless. Living in extremes is destructive and dangerous! Be safe!!
  4. How can we protect ourselves from this type of abuse? Recognize signs of it and accept that you can’t change someone who has these deeply engrained beliefs. The main sign of splitting is typically a polarization of beliefs, with a tendency to quickly sort elements of one’s life into the categories of “amazing” or “terrible” with little room for the in-between, creating a distorted view of reality. Here are a few ways these tendencies may manifest, so you can recognize if you may be engaging in it in your own life:
    • Thinking in absolutes or dividing concepts into two opposing camps,
    • Believing that everyone is either good or bad with no room for ambiguity or imperfections,
    • Believing that someone with a different viewpoint is against you,
    • Hyper critical of one’s self and of others,
    • Viewing everything as revolving around them and believing that if someone does something it stems from being centered around them, ie “they don’t like me is why they do this, this and this“, “he’s not talking to me because he thinks I’m this, this and this.” With no room for nuance,
    • Takes things either highly personal or doesn’t care at all. There is no in between or consideration for the other persons view or perspective,
    • Easily turning on someone close to you (for example: Idolizing your best friend, spouse, sister, brother, cousin, random stranger, mom, dad or family friend and then dropping them if they do something they don’t like or they stop feeding their ego,
    • Making fun of or belittling those who is perceived to think, act or look differently than you do,
    • Changing your mind about core beliefs on a whim or switching opinions/allegiances abruptly,
    • Having difficulty maintaining relationships, Changing moods abruptly and acting like nothing happened.
    • They are the “most vulnerable” martyr of their own life, they take no accountability for the way their life is and are only a victim of life happening to them and those around them are all either with them or against them (“most vulnerable”, being they will seem so humbled by life’s struggles, but really are seeking someone to rage against, people and the injustices of their own life, on their behalf as they are too wounded by their own life to do so — while now they have someone to blame if things go south — since they choose to not take accountability for their decisions in their life that have led them to this place and time, they will eventually blame the person/people who came in to their lives that they have now assigned to fix their life, as the problem instead of taking ownership — thus the cycle continues and anyone who gets close to them become the new shiny problem).
  5. What should we do if we’re being abused in this way? First and foremost be kind to yourself. It’s really easy to miss the signs. Especially when you’ve been so thoughtful and tactful to express your concerns to be devalued and your character to be sallee into question. The best evil looks good. Once you’ve accepted the situation and you can safely either leave or tell them to leave, do so. If you are able to, save money prior to making your decision know the better. However, if you are in immediate danger don’t wait. Leave! The damage of this type of behavior is the deception that draws us back in and convinces us we’re exaggerating and our own desire to not be a burden kicks in and we succumb to the familiar. Fear of the unknown is a capricious fellow. It can almost make death sound more pleasant than an unknown possibility. That is why distance from the deceiver is important! Please be safe and reach out for help from the resources I’ve provided below! Much love!
  6. Resources for further help. Tap & Scroll to the bottom and you will find a plethora of resources!!!

Thank you for spending time here today! I hope this was informative and encouraging! If you’ve experienced splitting while too being abused or you’re being abused by someone who is splitting or both. There is hope!! You don’t have to stay there or in that frame of mind! Much love to you on your healing journey!

What does disassociation even look like?

Hey! I’m Hannah. Today the topic of discussion is disassociation. I have been wanting to touch on it a little and I may elaborate more later. However for now I felt this would be a great way to show my experience and how I am 3 years later and just now processing things that have happened in my life and how it’s impacted me. I feel like this is a different style than I usually write, and it’s very vulnerable. I did only share what I felt comfortable with sharing! Please be encouraged and know that you are not alone.

My experience with disassociation.

disconnection from physical and emotional experiences

Wiki

Dissociation as a concept that has been developed over time, is a wide array of experiences, ranging from a mild emotional detachment from the immediate surroundings, to a more severe disconnection from physical and emotional experiences. The major characteristic of all dissociative phenomena involves a detachment from reality, rather than a loss of reality as in psychosis.

I believe my experience triggered a type of detachment of sorts. It saved my life!

Hannah Esther

When I found out I was pregnant, got married, spent a year misdiagnosed with pancreatitis, had c section, had surgery to remove gal bladder, found cancer, had wisdom teeth removed, surgery to remove cancer in kidney along with my twelfth rib, 2 months later made decision w husband to leave my work at home job to be a full time mom, he left 2 weeks later and said he wanted a divorce, my daughters both got infantigo, he came back after 5 weeks thought it was an answered prayer, lost his job a week later, I had to work so much to pick up the slack, he was jobless for 6 months, went to marriage retreat, saw healthy couples for the first time, he took his mask off completely and never put it back on, June 3rd I told him to leave this marks the day I fully disassociated from him – it is a day of a death of sorts I have a photo that commemorates the day that I will post below, June 17th “oh it’s your birthday?”, June 19th Father’s Day “I think I need to leave to find out why I view our relationship so resentfully”, I said “I agree”. that was in the span of two years January 2020 to June 2022….. it’s now May 2023, 3 years from the beginning of this whirlwind and my life has slowed down tremendously, I have peace, I have a loving church family, and I spend every day with my daughters, I’m thankful for Gods deliverance. March 18th would have been 9 years, June 3rd will be 1 year free mentally and June 19th will be 1 year free physically. I’m just now processing all of this.. and it’s slow going. So when you’re in the thick of healing and struggling to get through the triggers and flashbacks, compassion for yourself goes a long way. You’ve been through a lot and you are precious and deserve love and compassion and gentleness. ♥️

my body was finally safe to come undone

Hannah Esther
June 3rd, 2022 The day I told him to leave
He’d been so cruel and unreasonable and I’d been crying so hard that my face swelled up so bad. It was the last straw for me and something inside of me shut down. Just completely shut down and hasn’t come back to this day. I’d been so detached from my experiences for so long, when this one hit — it hit hard — and peace was all I felt and enormous fatigue. My body stored so much trauma it melted when he finally left. No more tension in the home and silent hate, my body was finally safe to come undone. So much love for this woman in this photo, she was doing the best she could and praise God for the shift that happened this day! Hardest decisions I’ve ever made.

I have peace

Hannah Esther

I believe disassociation became my way of unconsciously protecting myself from crumbling and dying in the midst of the storms that gutted me and left me for dead. Still there a little. Helps healing slowly. I am currently in the midst of healing the dissociative parts from the past, and as I do the flood of emotions and the pain in my body become quite overwhelming, so slow going is the way I’ve come to process everything. Mind you I only explained the last two years, I’m processing a bigger picture of childhood trauma as well as the whole of the 9 year relationship and soon to be 1 year separation, so there’s a lot to unpack.

Allow yourself, give yourself permission, I give you permission to just be!

Hannah Esther

Don’t beat yourself up for having hard days, in the bed days, staring at the wall days, frozen in time days, verbally processing days, do what you need to heal and don’t down play your healing! This is the season of rest! Allow yourself, give yourself permission, I give you permission to just be!

your beautiful soul is worth every moment of healing

Hannah Esther

Much love to you sweet friend, your beautiful soul is worth every moment of healing!! God sees you and hears you! Don’t despair in the pain and grief of healing. This sorrow will bring healing!! ♥️

Thank you for joining me here! I hope for this to be an encouragement. We all experience different things in life and I find it empowering to see others doing the hard work of healing. Much love to you in your healing journey!

What Does A Narcissistic Mom Look Like?

Credit: JennyReloaded on TikTok

Go give Jenny a like. Jenny breaks this down like she was there in my life seeing everything I saw, but the difference she has clarity. While 6 year old me didn’t, 8 year old me didn’t, 12 year old me didn’t, 15 year old me didn’t, 17 year old me didn’t, 22 year old me didn’t, 24 year old me didn’t, 31 year old me didn’t 33 year old me had the year of clarity from both snakes on my life. Praise God. Each of those years I named, are pivotal forks in the road of my life that her influence was strong in the choices I made that changed the trajectory of my life in permanent ways. I have to reap consequences for the decisions I made under her influence. That part is the hardest. Praise God for clarity and people willing to speak out about dangerous behaviors and the impact it has on us.

In my experience this is true. I was weaponized agained my parents by the other. The largest bonding moments between myself and my paremts were the moments we would be critical of the other parent.

(Remember I was a child – simply present and desiring connection – innocent and impressionable)

I would be given information that now as an adult I know is inapropirate and harmful to a child to know, in order to use it against the other parent and or relay a message. Because I loved my parents purely and innocently, I had no idea the destruction and triangulation I was apart of.

Destructive behavior in any form is not your child’s responsibility or fault.

Hannah Esther

Two emotionally immature people using their child to validate themselves in harming one another, harmed me. I was the collateral damage they weren’t even worried about. Their selfish and destructive behavior has left me having to do the work to heal and grow. I am a strong advocate of emotional intelligence and even I was deceived by a man who couldn’t love.

Placing your child in harms way to “protect yourself” or “because you have a good reason” or “because you’ve convinced yourself it’s not abusive” is abusive and destructive. Never place your child in a position to have to make decision that the adults should be making in private.

You are responsible for protecting your child from destructive conflict, your child is not responsible for protecting you.

Hannah Esther

You are responsible for your emotional intelligence, not your child.
You are responsible for your triggers, not your child.
You are responsible for protecting your child from destructive conflict, your child is not responsible for protecting you.
You are responsible for guiding your child in healthy boundaries, by modeling healthy standards and boundaries.
You are responsible for encouraging your child to be kind to themselves, by modeling healthy self love and self care.

Destructive behavior in any form is not your child’s responsibility or fault. You are responsible for that as well. No amount of guilt or threats to your child will teach them healthy boundaries, only better ways to resent you and kick you out of their life when they are able.

Doing the inner work and healing, holding yourself accountable and taking responsibility for your decisions and learning from them is modeling to those around you that you are growing, not stagnant and blaming everyone else for why your life is the way it is.

Your life is the way it is as a result of many variables, there is no one reason. But healing from it, is your responsibility. Own it, don’t put that on your kids!

This is very personal for me, so any of you who experienced this as kids. You’re not alone! I’m with you! ♥️

Let me introduce you to my mom

It’s unbelievable really. My heart hurts knowing so many years we’re lost to her lies and triangulation and deception and manipulation.

Hannah Esther

Talk about the most dangerous type of people. It’s so hidden too, so her kids defend her with a vengeance.
I am a self diagnosed ex-scape goat of hers and let me tell you. It’s done a number on me. I’m so thankful for clarity and Gods hand in bringing that clarity to myself and my sister. I’m finally cultivating a relationship with my sister in our 30’s. Because we were so triangulated hardcore, we had and still have a lot of beliefs about one another that are untrue and we’re growing through it. Our CMNM (Covert Malignant Narcissist Mom) poured lies after lies about us into each of us. It’s a process to heal from, but I’m so thankful. It had destroyed my sense of self worth as a young girl before adulthood, and that resulted in me choosing unsafe environments instead of being around her. Although at the time I didn’t even know the depth of how dangerous someone like this is, how she is.

It’s unbelievable really. My heart hurts knowing so many years we’re lost to her lies and triangulation and deception and manipulation. I’m so thankful to be no contact. I cry often, even before God gave me clarity, for a mom. I’ve always deeply yearned for a mom. I’m the mom I needed, reparenting myself has been painfully eye opening and healing. Praise God!

Praise God for revealing the truth and providing for myself and my daughters and my sweet sister!!

Much love to you in your current season, I pray for your heart to be comforted as your minds fog is being cleared, and the truth is being revealed. Here’s to healing from others sinning against us!

We lived our life thinking we were on the same page and that our caring for one another was mutual and only going to grow through hardships and trials. Only to find out, they were using you and didn’t hold you the same regard you held them. Love you are not alone, you are lovable and take this time to have grace with yourself and seek the peace you deserve.

Hannah Esther

Much love to you in this season of loss. Although we know that these people leaving may be healthy for us, it hurts all the same. We love them, and invested time and energy into them. Had whole models of who they were to us and who we were to them. We lived our life thinking we were on the same page and that our caring for one another was mutual and only going to grow through hardships and trials. Only to find out, they were using you and didn’t hold you the same regard you held them. Love you are not alone, you are lovable and take this time to have grace with yourself and seek the peace you deserve. Be gentle with your grief and allow it to pass through you. Don’t avoid feeling your feelings. Much love to you as you heal from such a tremendous betrayal and loss.

It’s powerful to take your power back that you didn’t even know was yours to begin with. It was yours all along!

Hannah Esther

Resources

Stay Vigilant! Your beautiful light is lighting someone’s path out of the tangles of darkness they find themselves in, someone came before me. Your voice speaks for those whose tongue has been cut out, and hasn’t grown back yet. Some don’t have the ability to speak on such matters, for they are not safe.

Hannah Esther

Some wonderful people resources for different seasons of a confusing situation:

More Resources

  • My Response Series | We Are All Here
    Remind yourself of who you are, you are your own mom. You get to love yourself through this, that sweet girl. That girl from 5 years ago, 10 years ago. The one you are protecting. The one from 20 years ago. We are all here. You are every version of yourself right now past present and future. And they love you and want you to know you are worth fighting for!!
  • My Response Series | “Why Didn’t You Protect Me From Yourself?”
    I can love my parents for who they are as human beings and Gods creation, while also recognizing the need to protect myself from their toxic behaviors by no longer allowing them access to me. Loving my parents and choosing to distance myself from them are not mutually exclusive. I’m honoring myself and them by protecting myself, with the form of love that I needed in childhood, by reparenting myself, this balance allows me to move forward with a sense of integrity and self-respect, fostering a healthier and more fulfilling life.
  • My Response Series | Love Bombing
    The “abuse” comes from the pattern: extreme positive stimulation followed by withdrawal, neglect, or return to baseline, leaving the target emotionally unbalanced. Even if the follow-up isn’t overtly hostile, the mismatch between the initial intensity and the later normalcy can create confusion, anxiety, and a sense of emotional debt.. making it inherently manipulative
  • My Response Series | You Can’t Do It For Him
    Boundaries protect your peace. Let us teach ourselves and our children that real love shows up with consistency, not convenience.